The Journey Begins

We embark on a mysterious trail which bridges between our physical world and that of the spirit realms. There beyond the veil of our world, a beautiful expansive meadow appears before us. The meadow stretches to the base of a great misty mountain, its peak hidden within swirling fog. The cry of a Golden Eagle pierces the valley, as it swoops down from above and lands on a tree limb revealing the path.

We make our way towards the base of the misty mountain, and hidden in the shadows a cavern appears, it’s the Cave of Destiny. I’m fearful, as I see a dark, thin character lurking just within the opening. The dark figure would prevent me from going further, but my Guide reassures, and we press on. We enter the opening within the mountain, a long dimly lit corridor becomes visible. My guide instructs me to search for a doorway within this corridor, a door which will lead us to my destiny.

Soon I discover a formidable, ancient wooden door, very tall with old black Iron hardware. My guide instructs me to slide the iron bolt and push the great door open. From the threshold a dark cave like room is revealed. However, deep within this room, a passageway leading to a very bright, sunny beach appears. There is beach sand, tropical trees, and a large calm body of water. The location, though beautiful is desolate, there are no signs of human activity. I have flashes of a distant memory, this is a crash site. As we search for clues, the surface of the water vibrates when posing questions.

Within the Cave of Destiny

My voice triggers a low frequency hum which sends small ripples across the entire surface of the water. My guide suggests that I ask the water to reveal what lies hidden within. I stand at the edge of the water and ask for it to reveal its secret. Suddenly the water becomes turbulent as something floats to the surface. Water spills off the top of a sparkling silver star craft, with glyph like writing by it’s portal.

My guide encourages me to enter the craft, and see what is inside. I place my hand on the craft and the door slides open. Cautiously I enter, inside I can see a command chair, and many unusual looking instruments within this small control module. At the center of the room is an array of Bright Blue crystals of varying sizes, all in a circular pattern about three feet in diameter.

Within the blue crystals is a bright, golden orb located at its center. I touch the golden orb and a holographic display appears. There is a circle of light beings who are difficult to make out at first, they are all facing towards me. This is my lineage, a council of celestial beings with wonderful messages for me. All the knowledge of another world and race of beings are contained within the blue crystals. The message of who I am, where I come from and a divine destiny is revealed.

I suddenly realize that these celestial beings are connected to a gift I received. A distant memory of a mysterious gift that my celestial mother bestowed upon me in a previous journey. The gift is a bright, golden orb of light, somewhat egg shaped that she pressed into my heart center. Love, wisdom, and guidance are all contained within this golden orb. Until now, I had not known what it contained or how to access its contents.  The gift still resides within my heart center, which has long remained closed off. In this moment, an image of the Lotus flower came forth, and it was in the process of blooming.

Purple Lotus flower of Life

My guide, who is also my mentor, alerts me that it is now time to return to the physical world. When the journey is over my mentor gives me a Shamanic assignment to help process this experience. I’m instructed to open sacred space, and intuitively place objects in each of the four Cardinal directions. These objects honor each of Earth’s four elements, the forces of creation and life.

Visiting the Four Directions

In the East direction, a candle burns. A golden light, one that is like the one that burns within me, the gift of my celestial parents. A Divine Light shines the way, it takes away fear and warms my sole. This candlelight, and the one that burns within me is small, yet it has the same properties of the sun. The same power, the same potential to grow, and shares a connection to the archetypal energy known as RA. I remember having an unusual connection to the sun as a child, it provided me with comfort. I would often stare at the sun and commune with it.

Thoughts and words spring forth; I am like a baby, a young archetype, I am a celestial being in its infancy. My journey, growth, and becoming is now being revealed. Before I can create positive change in our world, I must first realize who I AM. My power lies within this celestial gift that resides hidden within my heart. By opening my heart, I will expose and open this hidden mysterious gift. When the divine gift is fully embraced, I will share it with the world. The Sun is the bringer of life, the element of fire that burns within me. Though my fire and life was nearly extinguished. A realization that becoming the blooming Lotus flower, is to be Love.

Beauty is also found within the Wounds we hide

In the South direction, my Mesa. I notice the distinct symbol on my mesa cloth and remember as it was explained to me. The symbol is that of Inti, the Incan Sun God, yet another Synchronicity. The affirmation comes “I am the son of the Sun”.

The South direction contain shamanic teachings about shedding all that no longer serves us. What is it that I am ready to release? I notice two ties wrapped around my mesa (a Peruvian Shamanic tradition), the cloth contains various stones, each representing a healed wound. The ties and cloth contain the most intimate of wounds, an external representation of self and what lies within the heart.

Begin by untying the knots to open and reveal what is inside. I’m ready to stop hiding in the shadows, and reveal what is within. True Beauty is not limited to a pretty outer covering, it’s also found within the wounds we hide. It’s time to let go this shame of all my perceived imperfections. What lies within me is the truth of who I am. A flower exists to share its beauty, not to withhold it from the world. The human spirit, like the Lotus flower, will change the world when it blooms.

The flower evolves in preparation, and yearning for it’s days in the sun. The blooming is a celebration, a stepping into the role it plays within the circle of Life. The flower, rightfully is a cherished literal symbol of love and life. One needs only to pause, smell, and admire the flower’s innate beauty, to begin understanding its true power. The flower goes through many life stages and transformations. Some of these changes may be considered unattractive, yet the flower knows its true inner beauty. The wisdom of the flower beckons me to forgive myself, to let go of unrealistic standards of perfection, and honor who I AM.

You are still within me and we will see each other again.

In the West direction, two Apache tears. I reflect upon the Native American trail of tears. A journey of sorrow, of suffering and death. The universal pain of separation, and the end of a way of life. This sorrow I relate to through the loss of my son Timothy. The anguish, confusion and despair had consumed me in its flames. A prevailing sense of being alone in the world, I am without you my son. The darkness enveloped my soul, I was spiraling into a bottomless empty abyss. Eternally waiting for you to return to me, while devoid of hope. A longing for our souls reunion coexists with the uncertainty of that ever occurring.

When we lose someone we often linger in that same location. It’s where we search for who or what we’ve lost. Retracing our steps, returning back to that place where we last remember being together. We search, hoping that our loved one is somehow still nearby. We linger, because moving on is to accept the permanence of our loss. To surrender to the cruel reality of separation and the finality of death. Two Apache tears are placed here for both of us. There’s  comfort in knowing we shared so much love, and were so alike that we might even be as one. I love you Tim, and accept that I won’t find you in the same location that I lost you. You are still within me and we will see each other again.


Sailing Ships are symbolic of Life’s Journey

I grew up near the ocean, and have known the significance of those unique structures which sit upon many of the historic stately homes of the Northeast. In other regions, these structures may simply be called a copula. But here in New England, they are also known as the Widow’s watch. A place long ago where the wife of a mariner would sit gazing upon the ocean. Watching the horizon, waiting for her beloved’s ship to return.

The widow’s watch is a place I imagine one would remain indefinitely, as I had. The reality is, our loved ones will never return here, no matter how long we wait. I’ve previously been trapped in this state of denial, and refused to accept the outcome. I concede that my Love is not dependent upon remaining stuck here, gazing upon the horizon and idly waiting by. Instead, I choose to continue on my life path, carrying you within my heart.

flower essence is more powerful than any negative energy

North direction, Florida Water. Irony and synchronicity. The North is the place of the wisdom keepers, the place of our lineage. Water, Flowers, and Golden color describe the bottle of Agua De Florida that is before me. The golden color is that of sunlight and the orb gifted within me. Water conceals the place and manner of my earthly arrival. The star ship that lays at the bottom of the water, with the Blue crystals and golden center. The gift and connection to my celestial lineage, the council of elders, of loved ones in spirit. My celestial mother gave the golden orb to me and placed it within my heart. Its been a mystery that I didn’t understand or know how to access.

Flowers are the acting agent within the Agua De Florida, its the source of its power to disperse negative energies. Gold is like sunlight, of divinity, power, our life force or Chi. I’ve previously viewed the flower as fragile, vulnerable and defenseless, overlooking it’s true innate power. The concentration of flower essence is more powerful than any negative energy. My prior perception of Flowers embodying weakness, a fragility too delicate for the harshness of our world, was misguided.

Celestial spirit beings revealed within that golden light are within my heart, here to support me. Often I feel so very alone, abandoned, yet this gift from my celestial mother has been within me all along. Maybe my son is exists there too? I didn’t know how to access the power and mystery of the golden orb. Like any gift that is wrapped, one must  unwrap the outer covering to reveal what’s inside. I’ve been afraid to open this gift, for doing so means to risk heartache. I’ve been afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to love, and afraid to move on. Ironically the answers that I seek, exist within the very place I’ve been avoiding. It’s kind of like looking for a pair of glasses that were sitting upon your head the whole time.

Mapping my Destiny

Celestial Lotus Flower Mandala

My mission, which I chose to accept is summarized as follows;

The East, is telling me to recognize, embrace and accept my true divinity.  Ra’s energy, the eternal flame, the life giving power of the Sun, burns within me. To know that I’m connected to the divine. I choose to love and to be loved.

The South, the affirmation, “I am the son of the Sun”. To untie the knots and reveal the hidden beauty within me.  It’s time to become, to bloom like the Lotus flower. I chose to forgive myself, to let go of the ideals of perfection. I accept myself in all of my many life stages. I’m ready to stop hiding from who I am, and willing to share my true being with the world.

The West, I find acceptance of death, and the courage to abandon the Widow’s Watch. It’s time to continue on my journey. There is unexpected healing found within the Apache tears. Love is eternal and the essence of our loved ones live within our hearts. I believe that death is temporary and that we will see each other again.

The North, The place where hidden knowledge lies within the mythic mountains, its where the worlds wisdom keepers reside. The connection to the divine Celestial beings and to our loved ones is found here. The Wisdom, guidance, and answers that I’ve searched for are found where, I dared not explore. My journey has taken me full circle, and ironically what I’ve searched for, was within me all along. How strange and beautiful it is to discover my life journey and destiny is on the path that leads inward. The profound lessons we receive through our Life’s Journey, reveals a Universe with an ironic sense of humor.

May we all discover the hidden gifts that await each of us, with much love and gratitude.